Families | Runcorn and Widnes World - in association with netmums.com - Parent Resources

Adjusting to a new baby can be hard for an older brother or sister, but getting used to two or more babies needs to be handled with even more care. 

Parents will be extremely busy coping with newborn babies and it can seem as if all the attention is being diverted away from the existing child or children.

Siblings of twins can find it especially hard because of all the attention bestowed on the new arrivals by other people. If you have just one older child they can feel left out. When twins arrive a single, older sibling can feel as if he or she is the isolated in the family, as the mother and father make up a unit of two and so do the twins.

It is important to help your other siblings adjust to their new family unit and to help them to welcome the twins. There are plenty of things you can do even before your babies are born to prepare your other children for their arrival.

Before the birth

Talk about the babies you are expecting. Older children will appreciate being involved from an early stage, while toddlers may not be interested until your bump begins to show.

Involve your child in choosing things for the babies. Let him pick out clothes, choose toys or help to decorate their nursery.

You could take your child along when you go for a scan or show them scan photographs to make them feel part of the pregnancy.

Ask your family and friends to take time to play with your older children, as you may find it hard to run around with them in the later stages of pregnancy.

When your twins are born

First impressions can have a lasting effect and the way you introduce your child to his or her new siblings can help to get their relationship off to a good start.

Make sure that you introduce your child to your babies as soon after they are born as possible. It is a good idea for you to greet your child without your babies, and then introduce him or her to them yourself. It can be hard for a child to cope with seeing mummy with her hands full of babies and unable to give a cuddle.

Introduce parent time with the older child on a regular daily basis, without the twins, it doesn’t need to be for too long, but the older child needs to know that it will happen every day.

You could put a photograph of older siblings into the babies’ cots to reinforce their relationship.

Make sure friends and family pay special attention to your older child as well as the new babies.

Once you get home

It can take a while for your new family to settle down, but again there are steps you can take to make things easier for your older children.

Right from the beginning it’s important to build a separate bond between the older sibling and each of the twins, so they see them as individual babies and not a single unit. For example take your child out with just one of the babies, or encourage them to play with one twin at a time.

You can also involve them in the care of the babies, without making it into a chore. Perhaps you older child could can fetch a nappy, or play with the babies, or just put a teddy in their cot for you.

It also helps to create a routine that involves activities just for the older child or children, for example a bedtime story, or a chat during the school run.

Playing up

Research has shown that almost twice as many siblings will display behavioural problems after the arrival of twins, than after the birth of a single baby. This can express itself in several ways:

• Negative, attention seeking behaviour, for example misbehaving or throwing tantrums.
• Aggression towards the twins.
• Regression, for example a potty-trained child going back into nappies.
• Silent anger and withdrawal.
• Perfectionism, when a child tries to be too good in order to please his or her parents.

The best way to combat this type of behaviour is to make time to spend with your child, so they don’t feel left out or ignored. Make time in the day when your older child can have one-to-one time with you, as they used to before the twins arrived.

For more information register with the Twins and Multiple Births Association to download the free Healthy Multiple Pregnancy Guide, which has tips on preparing siblings before the birth of twins. The Multiple Births Foundation also produces a leaflet called Relating to twins - As Parents, Partners, Siblings, Friends or Teachers (£3), which can be bought via its website.